A gynecologist had become fed up and was burned out, he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, and learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, he prepared carefully and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, "I wonder if there is an error in the grade?”

The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% . You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50%”

After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I’ve never seen done in my entire career”.
#kawalzreddita #marshaltown

In Ireland there is a tradition that holds that a dying man may ask one last question, and that it be answered truthfully.

Seamus had come to the end of his days; his time on this planet was short. Gathered around him was his wife and his four sons. Three of his sons were fine, tall men but the fourth…wasn't. Aiden was a bit scrawny, and quite thin. Seamus says to his wife:

"Mary…I've not much time left. So I want to ask you something that's bothered me for many a day. Please tell me the truth…is Aiden really my son?"

Mary says "Seamus, as God is my witness I swear on all that's good and holy that Aiden is indeed your child."

With that Seamus breathed a sigh of relief, his last breath in this world. Mary closed his eyes, pulled the blanket over his face and said:

"Whew…thank God he didn't ask about the other three!"
#kawalzreddita #marshaltown

A teacher asked the children in her 3rd-year class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny answered first. "I want to start out as a S.A.S. officer, go to the Middle East and kill loads of militant Muslims, return as a national hero, then become a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest nymphomaniac tart, give her a Ferrari, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, loads of cocaine, and all the while banging her like a loose barn door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this unfortunate response from little Johnny, decided not to acknowledge what he said and simply tried to continue with the lesson.

"And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Johnny's tart Miss!"
#kawalzreddita #marshaltown

What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?

Both are thinking "Oh no! My mom's gonna kill me!"
#kawalzreddita #marshaltown

A jewish guy sends his son to Israel, and he comes back home christian. The man thinks this is odd so he tells his friend about it.

The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says, "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel when he was Jewish and he returned as a Christian." So the two of them went to see the Rabbi.

They told the Rabbi the story of how they had both sent their sons to Israel as Jews, and how both sons had returned as Christians. The Rabbi listened, thought for a minute and then said "That's odd. I also sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian."

So the three of them decide to go to Israel to find out what's going on over there. The arrive and go straight to the Western Wall to pray. They explain to God all about how they sent their sons to Israel as Jews and how the all returned as Christians."

There is a long silence, and then God begins to speak saying, "That's odd . . ."
#kawalzreddita #marshaltown

A Scottish man moves to Canada, one day he decides to visit a local bar, he notices an animal head framed and put in the wall, he asks the Bartender what is it

"a moose" said the Bartender

"fock me, how big are the cats here ?!" said the Scot
#kawalzreddita #marshaltown

This is how bad the economy is:

My neighbour got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can not afford batteries.
CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
If the bank returns your check marked ‟Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

And, finally….
* I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc.., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
#redditselected #usa #kawalzreddita